Calm, Cool & Collected…

Because I am having anxiety, and the only way I can remotely relax and zone into my work is by putting in my ear buds and listening to Pandora, Josh Groban station.  That’s all. 

Oh, and drink my 8 trillion calorie one time every 3 months or so Caribou Coffee drink.  Honestly, I USED to get one of these every, oh… maybe at least once a week.  Not until I looked at the calories.  Now it’s a couple times a year. 

Anyways, back to this whole anxiety thing.  I went through a period in 2006 where I was depressed, anxious… and I had a 6 month prescription of Citalopram, generic for Celexa.  I’ll admit it, I don’t care.  Right now if you are having anxiety/depression probably you can walk into your doctor’s office and they usually hand out prescriptions for that stuff like it’s candy.  Is it just me or is getting easier and easier to get meds for that kind of stuff?  I could be completely wrong.  Just curious.  Anyways, I’m getting anxiety and stressed.  It’s all associated with The Wedding.  The Wedding is in 59 days.  I told myself when I hit 60 days I’d get into high alert mode.  Boy is that true.  I psyched myself up, and shouldn’t have.  I still have to make my list for the flowers, and drop that off.  I need to get our food list/details in.  Need to find a head piece before my hair trial on August 20th, and also need to figure out centerpieces.  Hmm.  Invites went out yesterday (yay!) and I started my dress fittings on Monday night.  I also bought my corset and shoes, which will be dyed in RED!  :)  These ones below… and since this is my dress, it will work out nice.  I at first ordered bridal pearl color, but after thinking more about it, I thought, “you know, red would sure be fun!” So I call back and ordered.  Aren’t they purdy?

Ohh!  And on Friday night I went to a Lia Sophia jewelry party, and check out my bracelet.  That baby is pricey, but it’s kind of ivory/pearl colored, not stark white/diamond… I LOVE it!  My wonderful aunt bought it for me.  I’m trying to give her money but she isn’t allowing it.  Brat.  So my jewelry is all done for me, I don’t need a necklace since my dress is halter.  Same with the girls.   Anyways, here it is:

So, I am relieved to have that all done with.  Now I need to find the girls the right bracelets… I have to be on the hunt for that soon.  I also have some clutch purses I’m going to order them. 

Centerpieces I think we’ll do something simple.  Maybe find some table runners,  use my tall cylinder vases with red rocks/marbles on the bottom, with 2 or 3 gerbera daisies coming out, and leave it at that.  Maybe a few votive candles along the table runners.  Simple simple!!

I also need to buy my unity candle.  I’m just going to buy a plain pillar candle, put some ribbon on it, and make it simple, cheap and easy.  I also need to find a cake topper.  Humpf!

I had my 2nd shower this past weekend!  It was with my moms side and significantly smalelr than my first shower.  It was really nice!  It was especially nice to be able to thank everyone personally instead of everyone chatting, etc.  The first shower was wonderful, but so so so so many people!  This shower, Chris and I came away with several several good things!  We got this time around:  Mandolin Slicer, Mezzaluna, TV Table Tray Set, Blanket, Pan, Deep Fryer, Crockpot, Measuring cups, Terry Cloth dish towels specially made/sewn by my grandma - best gift ever!, Pyrex set, Sterlite Cake Server, Chicago Cutlery set, RCA Alarm Clock, Towels, Rolling Pin.  Then with our gift cards from our first shower and some cash, we went and spent $250 on our pots and pans and bought all of those.  They were starting to go on “limited availability” at Target, as I assume Target is trying to get rid of them to get in the new stuff.  They weren’t on clearance yet, but we wanted to snatch them up before they phased out so we had all matching stuff.  Nerds, I know.

Chris parent’s were down this weekend.  We spent alot of time talking about houses and what we plan to do in the near future.  We were going to go look at houses, but after discussing further with his parents and financials, I think we’re going to put a modular home on the land my parents have, whether we buy it from them or they give it to us, we’ll put a house there, with a basement/possible walk out, on about 3 acres, and live comfortably instead of stretching our budget!  We have some vehicle stuff we need to pay off, and by doing what we think we’re going to do as far as building/modular, etc, we’ll be able to pay that off and be done with it.  And, it will work out well, because in 10-15 years, we’ll want a cabin up north anyways, so… all of that stuff is coming together!

Alright, back to work.  Hope you all have a great Wednesday!

I’ve got it, and I don’t have it in me to post right now.

Way too many thoughts flying in every which direction.

Good thoughts, lots and lots of wedding planning thoughts.

I’ll be back as soon as I can put together a half way decent post… give me a day or two.

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Lisa over at Clusterfook is battling cancer for the 3rd time.  Doctors have just stopped treatment.  Please, please, please, if you are able - please go here, and also please go here and offer annnny help you can  Thank you…

***********************

…Please go to see Clusterfook.

She needs you so much right now. 

***********************

This weekend sure flew by fast… wow. It was filled with lots of wedding stuff.

Friday night, what did I do? *mental block* Friday… Friday… I’ll have to come back to that.

Saturday! Saturday I had my wedding shower at 1:30. Right around 50 people were invited, and I think 50 people were there. Chairs were set up, and people still didn’t have enough room to sit and eat. It was full! I have pictures, and I want to post them, but I think it will have to wait until tonight! I’ll come back and edit this post. My first gift… yes, my first gift that I opened was a KitchenAid mixer!

You can about imagine how excited I was when the wrapping paper tore off. It was of course the first gift that someone had moved over to my chair/table and sat right in front of me. I opened the card, it said from Lindsay and Andrea. Hmm? Mixer crossed my mind… and my thoughts were confirmed right when that wrapping paper tore off and I said Aid.

Then I opened up all sorts of other things. I got only ONE duplicate gift! I think that’s pretty dang good! So we’ll exchange that in a little while, maybe this week actually. But I got lots of cake pans, lots of KitchenAid utensils/spatulas/whisks, fondue set, cast iron pans, KitchenAid Immersion blender, recipe books, dishes, glasses, waffle maker, picture frames, towels, plug in grill, KitchenAid bowls, Calphalon 5 piece baking set, Air Bake cookie sheets, baking rack, pot holders (KitchenAid and Homeade!), Dutch oven pan, liquor (margarita stuff!), gift cards for Target and Menards, some cash, crock pot, 16 piece corningware set, 13 piece pyrex set, stainless steel KitchenAid tongs, KitchenAid Shears, 2 photo albums, and a mini bright bar.

I still have 2 showers left, one this next weekend on the 20th and then one on August 9th! Holy buckaroonies!

Then after the shower on Saturday we went to my uncles house and put together invites. Too many people, too many alcoholic drinks, too much chaos = one nasty crabby girl. That was me. We ordered enough tape to cover EXACTLY how much paper was needed. Well. Until my mom and her friend wrecked 2 of them. Needless to say that put me over the edge. I was stressed, no body was listening, we didn’t have an assembly line like I wanted, everyone was grabbing and doing everything… it was a disaster. In the end after the F’in heimer was thrown around a couple times, and everyone realized I was PMSing and not.in.the.mood… it settled down. We ended up having plenty of sticky tape stuff left, and not enough vellum sheets. So, on Monday I called and they had forgot to cut 9 sheets of vellum that were already printed, so I ran down and got those and finished putting together the invites last night! Labels are tomorrow, and then they’ll be OUT! I was getting so frustrated. And the shower stressed me out a bit because there were 50 or so people there, everyone was talking, no one was paying attention (it was a neighbors/family shower and not everyone has seen each other in a long time, understandable), grandma was getting flustered because you know, they want you to pass everything around so everyone can see, or at least shout at what I got. Needless to say, neither of those were happening - so, thankfully my aunt walked everything around after I got it. It was just stressful. Lots of people there, I was getting anxiety. Ha! In the end though I was very thankful at all the gifts we got, and how everyone has been so so so generous!

Chris’ mom was down for the weekend, while Chris went up to his parents house to work on their hunting land with his dad. He was going to come home later Sunday evening. So, at about 1pm, Chris’ mom was going to get ready and start the 2+ hour drive back to their house. She was going to bring Dukey (our dog) back to surprise Chris… and I thought, “Hey, I’ll just be sitting here all day, I’ll come with too.” and so I went and got ready, we loaded Dukers up and the way we went! We pulled into the garage (Chris didn’t know either of us were coming up), and Karen (Chris’ mom) ran in the house and asked if he would help her unload the car. Chris came out, he looked kind of grumpy as though the last thing he wanted to do was help unload the car. He came out, and looked up and was happy to see me, but then, out came Duke from the car. He gleamed more at the site of Dukers than me I think, haha! We got hugs, he was surprised and we had a really good steak dinner with corn on the cob and cheesy potatoes for supper, and left around 8:15pm, and got home around 10:30. He kept thanking me for surprising him. He must have liked it! So we got home around 10:30, and I showed him all the gifts! He was surprised at what we all got.

Dukers went in on Monday to the vet for his yearly shots since he just turned 1 yr old. He weighs 68 lbs, however, doctor said he could stand to gain 10-15 lbs. He was bred as a “show dog” so he’s supposed to be on the thinner side… we just think he’s too skinny. So we’re going to get him some Royal Canin Maxi Puppy food! Our breeder lady told us to get that in the first place…

Poor little boy!

66 days and counting until our Wedding day! Funny thing… Chris and I were on our way home last night, chatting away…and I asked, “So, how many days until our wedding day?” He promptly responded, “69!” I said, “WOW! You know? You’re counting?” He replied, “Well, do you not think I’m excited, too?!” I said, “Well, I know you’re excited, but… I didn’t think you’d have your own little count down!” and he said, “Well, I’m just counting down until my life ends.” Haha! I almost hit him… but, I know he’s kidding… ! He… better… be? Ha!

More pictures:

This past weekend sure flew by fast… wow. It was filled with lots of wedding stuff.

Friday night, what did I do? *mental block* Friday… Friday… I’ll have to come back to that.

Saturday! Saturday I had my wedding shower at 1:30. Right around 50 people were invited, and I think 50 people were there. Chairs were set up, and people still didn’t have enough room to sit and eat. It was full! I have pictures, and I want to post them, but I think it will have to wait until tonight! My first gift… yes, my first gift that I opened was a KitchenAid mixer!

You can about imagine how excited I was when the wrapping paper tore off. It was of course the first gift that someone had moved over to my chair/table and sat right in front of me. I opened the card, it said from Lindsay and Andrea. Hmm? Mixer crossed my mind… and my thoughts were confirmed right when that wrapping paper tore off and I said Aid.

Then I opened up all sorts of other things. I got only ONE duplicate gift! I think that’s pretty dang good! So we’ll exchange that in a little while, maybe this week actually. But I got lots of cake pans, lots of KitchenAid utensils/spatulas/whisks, fondue set, cast iron pans, KitchenAid Immersion blender, recipe books, dishes, glasses, waffle maker, picture frames, towels, plug in grill, KitchenAid bowls, Calphalon 5 piece baking set, Air Bake cookie sheets, baking rack, pot holders (KitchenAid and Homeade!), Dutch oven pan, liquor (margarita stuff!), gift cards for Target and Menards, some cash, crock pot, 16 piece corningware set, 13 piece pyrex set, stainless steel KitchenAid tongs, KitchenAid Shears, 2 photo albums, and a mini bright bar.

I still have 2 showers left, one this next weekend on the 20th and then one on August 9th! Holy buckaroonies!

Then after the shower on Saturday we went to my uncles house and put together invites. Too many people, too many alcoholic drinks, too much chaos = one nasty crabby girl. That was me. We ordered enough tape to cover EXACTLY how much paper was needed. Well. Until 3 got wrecked on accident. I kind of overreacted. I was stressed. Needless to say that put me over the edge. I was stressed, no body was listening, we didn’t have an assembly line like I wanted, everyone was grabbing and doing everything… it was a disaster. In the end after the F’in heimer was thrown around a couple times, and everyone realized I was PMSing and not.in.the.mood… it settled down. We ended up having plenty of sticky tape stuff left, and not enough vellum sheets. So I called back the printer place and they had 9 sheets they forgot to cut, so I grabbed them on Monday and finished the invites last night! Now I just need to print labels! Tomorrow night! I was getting so frustrated. And the shower stressed me out a bit because there were 50 or so people there, everyone was talking, no one was paying attention (it was all neighbors and family that haven’t seen each other in forever, which is understable), grandma was getting flustered because you know, they want you to pass everything around so everyone can see, or at least shout at what I got. Needless to say, neither of those were happening - so, thankfully my aunt walked everything around after I got it. It was just stressful. Lots of people there, I was getting anxiety. Ha! In the end though I was very thankful at all the gifts we got, and how everyone has been so so so generous!

Chris’ mom was down for the weekend, while Chris went up to his parents house to work on their hunting land with his dad. He was going to come home later Sunday evening. So, at about 1pm, Chris’ mom was going to get ready and start the 2+ hour drive back to their house. She was going to bring Dukey (our dog) back to surprise Chris… and I thought, “Hey, I’ll just be sitting here all day, I’ll come with too.” and so I went and got ready, we loaded Dukers up and the way we went! We pulled into the garage (Chris didn’t know either of us were coming up), and Karen (Chris’ mom) ran in the house and asked if he would help her unload the car. Chris came out, he looked kind of grumpy as though the last thing he wanted to do was help unload the car. He came out, and looked up and was happy to see me, but then, out came Duke from the car. He gleamed more at the site of Dukers than me I think, haha! We got hugs, he was surprised and we had a really good steak dinner with corn on the cob and cheesy potatoes for supper, and left around 8:15pm, and got home around 10:30. He kept thanking me for surprising him. He must have liked it! So we got home around 10:30, I showed him all the gifts, and then to bed.

Dukers went in on Monday to the vet for his yearly shots, etc. He weighs 68 lbs, he’s a little over a year old. That weight is “okay” for him, however the vet said we could feed him this special puppy food, and it wouldn’t hurt him to gain 10-15 lbs, which we completely agree with. He is bred as a “show dog” and they are usually skinnier, he is just skinnier than what “we” want.

Poor little boy!

66 days and counting until our Wedding day! Funny thing… Chris and I were on our way home Sunday night, chatting away…and I asked, “So, how many days until our wedding day?” He promptly responded, “69!” I said, “WOW! You know? You’re counting?” He replied, “Well, do you not think I’m excited, too?!” I said, “Well, I know you’re excited, but… I didn’t think you’d have your own little count down!” and he said, “Well, I’m just counting down until my life ends.” Haha! I almost hit him… but, I know he’s kidding… ! He… better… be? Ha!

More pictures:

You know, I guess I don’t think about this all too often.  I think “Ohh, I always have tomorrow!”  “That can wait for another day…”  “I don’t feel like it right now.”  “Ohh, I’ll call Grandma tomorrow or later this week.” 

What if tomorrow never comes? 

I won’t have tomorrow.  I won’t have another day.  I won’t be able to feel like it tomorrow.  I won’t be able to call Grandma tomorrow or later this week.  I won’t be here or they won’t be here or it won’t be here. 

I’m so focused on the future right now.  Partially because I’m getting married in 67 days.  But partially because I’m at that age right now that I want September to get here, I want our birthdays to get here, I want… I want… I want.  I want it RIGHT NOW.  So, instead… I leap to hoping and praying that these next 67 days fly by.  However, what happens when those 67 days are over… and then our wedding day is over, and then our honeymoon is over, and then our birthdays are over.  ??  I know I’ll find other things to look forward to but what about today?  What do I have to look forward to, today?  Yes, alot… especially with the wedding, however today, this very very second.  Am I cherishing this very moment?  Am I realizing that I will never ever ever get this moment back?  Ever? 

I don’t, and I don’t think about that too often.  I should.  I really really should. 

My health, yeah… I know what type of body/person/eating habits I have.  Struggles.  That pretty much sums it all up.  I struggle every.single.day to make healthy choices.  I just don’t have it in me to continue the saga of diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet day in and day out.  There again, “I’ll start on Monday”  “I’ll start on Friday”  “I’ll start next week”  “Just one more fatty meal, and then I’ll start.” 

What if I don’t start for another month?  That could be another 5-10 lbs gained.  WHAT IF!  That will make it all that much harder, and I’ll get all the more depressed because “Why did I let myself get like this?”  I need to stop and think about how many MONTHS had passed where I said those exactly same things above. “I’ll start on Monday.”  “I’ll start next week.”  “Just one more fatty meal, and then I’ll start.”  Guess what?  All those weeks and weeks and weeks added up and guess what?  15 lbs heavier!  SHOCKING!  BREAKING NEWS!  I only did it to myself.

I need to stop and well, smell the roses.  I’m way way way to focused on the future instead of the now.  Tomorrow may never come, will I know how much I missed in the current time, NOW… because I was so focused on the future?

Today wasn’t necessarily the best day of them all.

I was kinda crabby again, hate days like that. Actually, I just felt very… I don’t know… not me. I felt very very anxious, heart was racing, and I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t focus for the absolute LIFE of me. Finally by about 2pm, I was able to put in my ear buds and turn on some Josh Groban on Pandora and I could somewhat zone into my own little world. Even so, it wasn’t 100% focus, but on a Friday when I keep thinking about wedding stuff, and my shower tomorrow… my mind was heading in 8,000 different directions and it wasn’t exactly what you’d call fun.

My mom and I picked up our printed inserts and vellum for my invites today. So, tomorrow we have the shower from 1:30-5 and then after 5, we’re going to head over to my uncle and future aunt’s house and we’re going to put together the invites. I’m excited about that… it will be relaxing I think. And, it will be a HUGE step to get the invites all done and put together. I’m really excited. I think I’m actually going to put together one invite tonight so we have one to go by tomorrow.

Tonight on the way home from work, in the carpool we dropped my mom off in Prescott and my dad picked her up. So I came home, and I was just crabby the entire way home. I got home and cleaned up the kitchen a little bit and let our doggies in the house since it’s about 90 degrees and 100% humidity today and put my comfy shorts and shirt on and here I sit. (TMI Alert!) I’m PMSing big time right now, so I’m going to order out food I think. I just… after a mind racing crazy day, crabbiness, and finally a little bit of relaxation in some air conditioning with the house to myself for a little while… I’m going to do everything in my power to make this the most low key relaxing day, ever.

I need to go buy labels and stuff for tomorrow night, but right now? That can wait. Relaxation is way higher on the self importance list.

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Edit: I have edited this post 8,000 times. For some reason my paragraphs aren’t breaking up and my double space between sentences is not working. It’s driving me crazy. Hopefully it will be fixed soon.

A Meme in Pictures
*Stolen from Temporarily Me!

Here’s how it works:
1. Go to www.flickr.com
2. Type in your answer to the question in the “search” box
3. Use only the first page
4. Insert the picture into your Blog

1.) What is your relationship status?

Engaged

2.) What is your current mood?

Not focused/Scatter Brain

3.) Who is your favorite band/artist?

Sugarland

4.) What is your favorite movie?

PS I Love You

5.) What kind of pet do you have?

2 German Shepherds

6.) Where do you live?

In the country - this picture is from my rural area, and yes, from Flickr.

7.) Where do you work?

Life Insurance Company - the reflected tall building is our main building.

8.) What do you look like?

Blonde

9.) What do you drive?

Pontiac G6, identical to this but white

10.) What did you do last night?

Had Macaroni & Cheese from Noodles & CO

11.) What is your favorite TV show?

The Bachelorette

12.) Describe yourself.

Tired - that’s all I am today…

Normally I’m … bubbly…

13.) What are you doing today?

Working

14.) What is your name?

Krystle

15.) What is your favorite candy?

Chocolate, oh yes.

______________

And that’s all I’ve got.

I’m crabby this week, raging bitch, rather.  Next week will be better, I PROMISE!

I’m going up north tonight, tomorrow, tomorrow night, and coming home Saturday for the wedding… I need to get away a bit…

Have a VERY safe and FUN weekend all!!

But I am a raging crabby bitch as of late.   It started last Friday… and guess what?  Today is Tuesday.  I do NOT think I can handle this another day.  I’d like to say it’s PMS setting in, however I wouldn’t know since I’m not “regular”. 

I can elaborate on crabbiness, I just can’t and don’t feel like elaborating on the wonderful world of PMS-iness, because we all know just how fun THAT is.

Should I tell you about all the people I’ve been a crabby bitch to?  Nah.

Should I tell you about how all I think about is how bloated I am?  Nah.

Should I tell you about how I detest getting up in the morning because I don’t want to face another crabby day?  Nah.

But I will tell you, with every hope of my being that this will put me in a better mood… that our wedding is 2 months and 20 days away, and PEOPLE ARE BUYING FROM OUR REGISTRY!  YESSSSSS!!  I know, I’m so pathetic to check it… but honestly, I look forward to that every day.  I may know what people are buying but I don’t know WHO is buying it for me.  Come on, don’t tell me you didn’t or wouldn’t do that… cause you’re lying.  Clearly.

Okay, maybe I’m the only one who has checked it.  And only 3 things are gone.  BUT, the shower isn’t until next weekend on the 12th, and you know how it is… you know, waiting until the last minute and all.  Been there done that.  Several Times. 

Where am I going with this post?

Oh, Twitter sucks.  Absolutely, point blank… SUCKS.  I’m so SICK of getting their error page, or… just never getting any messages forwarded… it just sucks.  But I’m not going over to Plurk, because that’s just too much work to have to find everyone and… and no, I’m being stubborn and will not. 

Ouch.  Stupid cramps.  See?  I think it’s PMS. 

So not getting anywhere here…

What are you doing?  Any big plans for 4th of July?  I have a wedding for my cousin on Saturday.  Chris is going up north solo this weekend.  Pout.  We usually spend a 3 to 4 day weekend up north during 4th of July… so it sucks this year that I can’t.  This would have been my only weekend in June or July to be able to visit Chris’ family.  Guess I’ll just have to wait until the first weekend in August. 

So back to you.  What are your plans?  Do you have any rituals or “every year” extravagansas?  Is that spelled right?

Before I bore you any more, and make myself go crazy… I’m going to get back to work.  Time to drink this pop, put my headphones on, and pray like hell that I’ll be in a better mood today or someday. 

Happy…. Tuesday?  And… July 1st…!

PS:  Leave me a comment with a joke… if you have one.  Something that will make me smile… cute or funny or dirty or… whatever. 

*I apologize in advance for this disaster of a post… that’s just about how my thoughts and mind is lately… A… DISASTER.*

PPS:  This makes me feel a little bit better…

 How to stop office gossip